Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Who's Your True Parent? 

Ohhhh-kay. So the mystery of who authorized the use of the Dirksen Senate Office Building for the March ceremony at which Washington Times owner Rev. Sun Myung Moon offially proclaimed himself "humanity's Messiah" has now been solved. The culprit, you will be deeply reassured to know, is Elizabeth Taylor's ex, the man now charged with keeping the truly revolting news from Abu Ghraib under wraps until after the election:
New information about the abuse of prisoners in Iraq is emerging every day in private briefings to members of Congress, but there'll be no public hearings until after the August congressional recess, Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John Warner said Thursday.

Warner, R-Va., said he would wait to schedule hearings until after the Pentagon finishes its seven investigations. None is expected to be finished before the congressional break, which begins next Friday. But Warner said he was confident that "everything that can be done is being done to analyze what happened in the past and to prevent any recurrence in the future."
Warner demonstrated the same impressive diligence in booking the room for Moon's coronation:
The senator did not attend the coronation-like ceremony or realize it would involve Moon, a controversial figure who spent 18 months in prison in the 1980s for tax fraud, said Warner spokesman John Ullyot. "Our office felt misled" after news accounts described a long ceremony in which Moon and his wife were crowned as leaders of international peace, he said . . . .

When news accounts last month described the ceremony, several of the approximately dozen lawmakers who attended said they were duped into going and had no idea the Moons would be the chief honorees. Some said they simply went to see a constituent receive an award and were unaware of Moon's long speech in which he said, "Emperors, kings and presidents . . . have declared to all Heaven and Earth that Reverend Sun Myung Moon is none other than humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent."
And of course, others just went for the sex tips.

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