Monday, August 02, 2004

Maybe They'll Plug Him Into Nancy Reagan's Vacant Slot 

The President has recently been heard to say that "the heart of America" (which we take to mean Bush supporters) "can't be found in Hollywood." But maybe he's not looking hard enough. What about Bo Derek? What about the soon-to-be-late Charlton Heston? What about Arno-- naaah, scratch him; after his last couple of flops he moved to Sacramento and hasn't been heard from since. But as Atrios notes, there's a fresh generation of New! Young! Hip!! Hollywood royalty that's ready and waiting to take up the crusade for traditional Republican values. And leading the charge is Vincent Gallo, who'll be onscreen at your local multiplex next month -- getting sucked off by Chloe Sevigny:
Call out the tow trucks: A 60-foot black-and-white billboard showing Chloe Sevigny pleasuring Vincent Gallo was unveiled Saturday on Hollywood's Sunset Blvd.

And Gallo thinks this should just be a start: "Chloe is one of the most beautiful and talented people in the world; she should be on 10 billboards on Sunset Blvd."

Gallo is now in New York and says he will attend the Republican National Convention later this month.

"I'm here trying to help out in any way that I can. I have made it clear that I am open in any way to promote and protect the Republican administration," he said.
But the fine fellows at Catch have what is undoubtedly the finest Vincent Gallo link on the net today: a photo of VG hanging out at the New York Young Republican Club, illustrating a remarkably candid and revealing self-interview from Buddyhead.com:
ME: Who do you think are the creepiest?

HIM: I'm glad you asked. Well, there's that rat bastard, Tracy Falco, the backstabber from Ted Demme's company; that twisted phony Rene Ricard; Kate Miller that lesbo monster; Kelly Lynch that bullshit bad actress, she's the queen member of the lucky club; Tim Roth, that filthy no-talent mini dwarf Brit; Bill and Hillary Clinton and their ugly orphan-like daughter Chelsea; Greta Seacat and her poisoned mind "acting coach," my ass; Susan Bertram, that Judas piece of crap, listen everybody, she's the worst wardrobe person in the world, don't hire her for your film; Mark Romanek, that dark, anal photo plagiarist and his useless penis, he's a great example of a world gone wrong; Cheryl "Dumpy" Dunn and her pigeon dung photographs, wow is she creepy; Phil Goldfarb that AlAnon basketcase, worst producer who ever lived; Jennifer "Leave me alone" Levy; Dewey's friend, Analisa "The character assassin" Tessin; Vicky Icky she was so sticky Galvez Bici; that lumpy-assed Alba Clemente; Paul "I can't direct but boy, can I brown nose my way to the top" Anderson and his fermented, mulatto cannabis-soaked girlfriend Fiona Apple who coulda been shoulda been; Kelly Lynch's bitch-whipped husband Mitch; Nam-Anh Duong; John Kennedy Jr. that philandering cadaver; my Ex-Mother-in-law; Tammy “Sick Sick Sick and Ugly Ugly Ugly” Rosen, that jerk; Todd “you wish you had my rod” Feldman, that short Jew bastard and his polluted and dishonest cousin Eileen Feldman, it’s a miracle anyone can even make a movie with assholes like this in Hollywood; Davis “Boy Does a Herpes Sore Smell” LaChapellle; everyone at Lions Gate films, is that the best Canada has to offer, a bunch of lowlifes like that?; Jefferson “What a” Hack from Dazed and Confused magazine are they still in business? Cause I heard all he does now is fetch cocaine for Kate Moss; Dale “H like in Homo, I like in In-his-ass, and V like in Virus” Peck I dare anyone to stay awake through one of his novels. That’s some creepy losers right there, huh? Huh? And what about the actress Zoey “Go Ahead and Blow Me” Deschanel, you fuckin’ lying whore, I’ll get you; from Universal Home DVD Releases, Colleen Benn(d her over and fuck her fat asshole); Suzanne “Pockface” Nichols and her pockmarked nipples; Michael “Musty” Musto (faggot); Andrew “Drew a picture of his penis on a matchbook actual size” Richardson and his syphillytic boyfriend Bob Racine [hairstylist, look it up]; And from Connecticut without Etiquette, Chloe Sevigny, who when she’s not drunk and posing in movies is busy out spreading Harmony Korine’s herpes. Oh yeah, and my mother. Mamma Creepy Corleone. And my father, the Godfather of Creepy.

ME: Wow. That's amazing. I agree with you about all of them. Especially your mother. Boy, people are creepy, huh? Though, chicks after you date them are the creepiest. Anyway, are there any dead or alive folks that you like at all?

HIM: I'm glad you asked. Well, my beautiful white dog is number one. And I’ve always loved Richard Nixon. And the wonderful and classy hero Ronald Reagan and his beautiful wife Nancy. The underrated genius Governor from New York State George Pataki, Rush “Howard Stern could only dream of being as good as you” Limbaugh, Robert Ryman, Cy Twombly, Pier Paolo Passolini, Mario Bava, Lucio Fulce, Robert Bresson, and Ozu. I will always love Chris Squire, the bass player from Yes, and John Wayne, Charlton Heston, and Charles Bronson. He’s good Charles Bronson, real good. My beautiful white dog, my former friend Johnny Ramone and his gold-digging wife Linda, you gotta lover her though. She can’t help it. My ex-girlfriend Vicki Clay has had moments of kindness too, but those moments come and go. The sex bunny PJ Harvey.
So one minute Chloe Sevigny is a drunken poseur spreading Harmony Korine's herpes, and the next -- after blowing her director on-camera -- she's one of the most beautiful and talented people in the world? What is this Gallo -- some kind of flip-flopper??

Or is he just an incurable romantic?

(Thanks to Imperial Mack Daddy Digby for the link.)

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