Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Shocker: Novak, O'Reilly, Drudge, Limbaugh Set to Endorse Kerry 

Dick Cheney reportedly exploring possibility of withdrawing from ticket, switching parties. From Science Daily:
Researchers at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute at The Rockefeller University have isolated stem cells from the skin of a mouse, and showed, for the first time, that an individual stem cell can renew itself in the laboratory and then be used in grafts to produce skin, hair and oil glands . . . .

One possible application for the findings is to see if these methods can now be adapted to isolate human hair stem cells for developing future treatments for baldness, she says. In the present study, the Fuchs' team of researchers were able to isolate these stem cells from normal mice, graft them on to the backs of hairless mice, and generate luxuriant hair growth, as well as new glands to oil the hair and fresh skin.
First lady Laura Bush accused the Republican turncoats of succumbing to "false hopes." "What the hell does she know about it?" barked an apoplectic Cheney, brow veins rippling. "Her Secret Service name is Bushy Bush. Damn broad's so hairy she shaves her legs with a Weed Wacker."

"And by the way," he quickly added, "I didn't say that. Libby said that."

UPDATE: A Democratic Party spokesperson categorically denied rumors (originally circulated by Hair Club Presidents for Truth) that candidates John Kerry and John Edwards have been making surreptitious visits to the Howard Hughes Medical Institute Mouse Unit since mid-1999.

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