Saturday, December 04, 2004

Cheney's Abnormal Swelling 

And shame on you for what you're thinking! As it happens, we are referring to the vice president's feet, which according to the Washington Post have recently inflated to size 10EEE -- smaller, to be sure, than his glistening SCUD missile, but still large enough to qualify as an anatomical aberration (though not one you would pay to see in a Tijuana nightclub).

Josh Marshall points out that tootsie engorgement is one of the telltale symptoms of congestive heart failure. And James Ridgeway of the Village Voice suggests that, given Mr. Cheney's long history of cardiac troubles, it is not too soon to be thinking about a replacement veep. Possible candidates? Bill Frist, Marc Racicot, Don Nickles, and -- if the amendment can be muscled through in time -- the Gubernator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

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