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Thursday, December 16, 2004

Too Swift for the Room 

Earlier today we got a mild case of the shakes, which we recognized immediately as withdrawal symptoms: for several days running we had completely forgotten to take a gratuitous potshot at the fundamentalist right! We were naturally intrigued when we saw that BuzzFlash had linked to the following article:
Officials from the College Board, the nonprofit entity that administers the Scholastic Aptitude Test or SAT, have announced that they are producing a new version of the test for students who live in school districts where creationism rather than evolution is taught in science classes.

Students who take the revised test, which will be introduced in school districts in Kansas and Georgia in the fall of 2005, will no longer be tested on their ability to comprehend passages from scientific texts that are based on the controversial theory of evolution. Instead, they will read excerpts from writings on such creation-related topics as the six days in which God created the earth or the great flood, then answer a series of questions to indicate how well they've understood the passages.
Talk about a sweet deadpan! We were three paragraphs into the story and had clicked on this very impressive graphic before we even began to suspect that the imperial crank was being yanked. Further inspection confirmed that the source of the article, the Swift Report, is a lavishly-produced and extremely dry -- well, dry enough to chump BuzzFlash, anyway --parody news site (and yes, we must confess to slight disappointment that the SAT was not being rewritten to accommodate creationists, which you may take as a measure of Our Pafology).

Well, we were planning to give them a link when we thought they were on the up-and-up, and we're not changing our minds over something as petty as veracity. A selection of recent Swift scoops that could almost pass for legitimate headlines (alas):
DOD Considers Magnetic Ribbon Armor Kits for Humvees

Adultery Provision Could Stall Homosexual Marriage Amendment

Home School U? More Students Being Home Schooled through College Years

Passion of the Christ 2? Christian-Themed Pornographic Film Up for Industry Award
Oh, wait; almost forgot; we have yet to satisfy our daily fundy-bashing requirement. The item below also comes to us via BuzzFlash, and this time it's for real:
Christian conservatives frustrated by court rulings that have found a school voucher program unconstitutional may have hit upon a possible solution: changing the constitution.

Sen. Daniel Webster, a former House speaker and now the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, said Wednesday he is exploring the possibility of a citizens initiative to repeal the 136-year-old wording that separates church and state in Florida.

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