Friday, January 07, 2005

Please Make It Out to "Chancellor, Zemblan Exchequer" 

1.) Upon further review, we have come to the conclusion that partial privatization is not just the best, but the only way to deal with the looming Social Security crisis. We urge you to write your representatives demanding the opportunity to invest your nest egg as you see fit without the heavy hand of government interference.

2.) Haven't you just about had it with those wacko environmentalists? It's bad enough that they cripple free enterprise with their meddlesome regulations, but the ones that really get our goat are the SUV-haters preaching "energy independence" while denying us the right to use our own natural resources! What better way to stick it to the greedy oil-rich Arab terrorists who attacked us on 9/11 than by opening up ANWR for drilling and exploration? Write your Congressperson today.

3.) This is a country founded by Christians who believed in God. Our President was elected by Christians who believe in God. But we will never restore sanity, much less morality, to American government as long as the federal benches are packed with Jesus-hating activist judges whose Satanic, possibly even Semitic goal is to stamp out our Constitutionally-protected religious freedoms. Thanks to them, homosexuals are encouraged to debase marriage, the Biblical foundation of human society, even as millions upon millions of helpless unborn children are being ruthlessly slain each year by the abortionist's hand. If your Senator even dreams of attempting to block our President's nominees to the federal judiciary, let him or her know in the strongest possible terms: there will be Hell to pay.

4.) Of course the President should have the right to authorize torture. Of course the President should have the right to detain suspected terrorists for as long as he damn well pleases. Of course the President should have the right to ignore treaties if our national security demands it. And if you expect to piss and moan about your own rights, Mr. Big Mouth, guess what? The President has the right to cancel your rights with complete impunity. We're at war. What part of that don't you understand? Write, e-mail, or fax your representative to demand the immediate confirmation of Alberto Gonzales as Attorney General.

So let's see . . . four items . . . at $240,000 per, that works out to . . . carry the one . . . $960 grand for just under fifteen minutes' work!!

Hey, BARBarians! Next pitcher's on the King!

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