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Saturday, January 01, 2005

Wet Dream 

Our esteemed colleague Moriji of Taking Our Country Back recently posted a selection of photos from a World Wrestling Entertainment TV special entitled Christmas in Iraq. For some reason (apart from their obvious surreality) the images stuck in our head, but we couldn't seem to isolate the source of their odd, undeniable power.

Then it hit us.




























Of course! The superstars of the WWE were enacting no ordinary pro-wrestling scenario; this highly ritualized performance represented nothing less than the invasion of Iraq itself -- not the real one, of course, but the whimsically idealized successful version imagined by Donald Rumsfeld and his neocon sponsors in the months leading up to March 2003.

The iconography is unmistakable: note the hunky American's righteous, if forgivably misguided, rage over Saddam's complicity in the despicable sneak attacks of 9/11 (frame #2); the Saddam figure, in red trunks, freshly smoked out of his spider hole and preparing to receive a faceful of hairy American ass (frame #3); the throngs of awestruck, worshipful Iraqi soldiers discarding their weapons in favor of rose petals as the hunky American strides triumphantly down Main Street, Baghdad (frame #4); the blonde, amply-knockered Iraqi maid doffing her burqa to shout "Democracy! Whiskey! Sexy!" in a pheromonally-overpowering expression of gratitude to her liberators, mere moments before she volunteers to embrace Western culture Between the Sheets (frame #5).

And so, as a special Christmas treat, the poor bastards fighting the War We Have were allowed to glimpse the War We Wanted. Would that Sec. Rumsfeld's dreams had all come true! If, as critic Robin Wood has long theorized, the low popular genres are best understood as maps of the collective unconscious, should we not then salute the psychic cartographers of World Wrestling Entertainment, who have plucked their imagery raw and unfiltered from the roiling fancies of a million warbloggers?

You can bet we'll be setting our TiVo for next year's edition.

CORRECTION: We are reliably informed that the blonde in frame #5 is not a grateful Iraqi maid preparing to embrace Western culture Between the Sheets, but Judith Miller exulting at the site of a freshly-discovered cache of WMD's. We regret the error.

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