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Monday, May 02, 2005

Goddam That Whoopi Goldberg 

Yes, you heard us right: goddam that Whoopi Goldberg! As much as it chapped our royal ass at the time, we found ourselves forced last summer to agree with every Republican in Christendom that her misbegotten schtick comparing the President, who happens to be named Bush, with female pubic hair, which also happens to be named Bush, was obvious, tasteless and unfunny. It was also, we needn't add, an early Xmas present to the GOP, because it helped keep the outrage machine in overdrive for months.

All that, as you know, was many months ago. So why the belated vituperation? Because -- goddam her! -- Whoopi Goldberg is at it again:
Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and [Laura Bush is] watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, [she is] a desperate housewife. I mean if those women on that show think they're desperate, they ought to be with George. One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and [Laura] went to Chippendales....I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service code name is now "Dollar Bill" . . . .

People often wonder what [President Bush's mother] is really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She's actually more like Don Corleone . . . . First prize, 3 days' vacation with the Bush family. Second prize, 10 days . . . .

It's always very interesting to see how the ranch air invigorates people when they come down from Washington. Recently, when Vice President Cheney was down, he got up early one morning, he put on his hiking boots and he went on a brisk 20- to 30-foot walk . . . .

George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chain saw, which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well . . . . George didn't know much about ranches when [he] bought the place. Andover and Yale don't have real strong ranching programs. But I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse.
Just for the record, let us catalogue the sort of material Ms. Goldberg seems to find "amusing": We had hoped that Ms. Goldberg might have learned a lesson from her previous excursion into the gratuitously seamy, but alas, she never fails to disappoint us. The fact is, her earler remarks deserved all the wrath, opprobrium, and outright disgust the Republican pundit class could heap upon them, and her latest remarks deserve exactly the same, only multiplied by a factor of --

Say what?

Oh.

Please ignore the above.

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