Monday, May 23, 2005

Marriage as a Stable Relationship 

Courtesy of our revered colleagues Avedon Carol and Newshog: Novelist Robert Anton Wilson, whose many books include the Illuminatus! trilogy, has done the theocratic wing of the Republican party a great boon. Following the guidelines enunciated by his Presidential Prayer Team, Mr. Wilson has drafted a constitutional amendment that would codify the definition of marriage in strict accordance with Biblical principles:
A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines, in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe. (Gen 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

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