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Sunday, October 23, 2005

His Hideous Ham 

We know that many of you are looking forward to the premiere next Friday of Masters of Horror (Showtime, 10 PM). Here, to tide you over, is a holiday offering from FAL.net, courtesy of Zemblan patriot T.C.:
HORTON HEARS A HEART
by Edgar Allan Seuss

True, I've been shaken - and true, I've been bad.
But how can you say that this elephant's mad?
This
Loopidy sickness has sharpened my brain!
My ears are quite large, and I hear things quite plain.
So before you pass judgment, please let me explain...

That creature named Sam was peddling his ham
And those green-colored eggs... I told him to scram!
He pleaded with me just to sample that junk.
Each time I'd refuse him and turn up my trunk!

His manner was pleasant; his tone, quite humane,
But something about him did things to my brain.
It wasn't his eggs that made my temper fly,
Not the plate, not the spam - I think it was his Eye!

His sinister orb was most eerily green,
Like his grass-colored eggs; O how vile, how obscene!
That stare seemed to make my flesh crawl and blood chill
And I knew right away - it is Sam I must kill! . . . .
Other works by Edgar Allan Seuss:

The Black Cat in the Hat
One Death, Two Death, Red Death, Blue Death
The Fox in the Sox of M. Valdemar
A Descent Into McElligot's Pool
The Masque of the Green Ham
The 500 Hats of Amontillado
Hop-Frog on Pop!
And To Think That I Saw It In the Rue Morgue

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