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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Alien of Extraordinary Ability 

Poor Governor Schwarzenegger: his head must be exploding. Less than a year ago, in the course of demanding that the U.S. seal its borders, the immigrant-bashing immigrant invited a group of Arizona vigilantes called the Minutemen to visit California and help him stanch the influx of illegals. Well, stanch in haste, repent at leisure: plainly the governor did not foresee that the sort of get-tough policies he was endorsing would soon lead to the deportation of the luscious, eminently gropable caboose ranked by Mirror magazine as one of the 25 finest butts in show business today:
Talented foreigners around the world are flashing their skills to get into this country, of course. But very few have the assets of Argentine bombshell Dorismar. The former “Playboy” playmate was rounded up by immigration authorities and deported with her husband on January 5 after living illegally in Miami for five years.

Now her attorney is trying to get the calendar pinup back into this country by classifying her as, quote, “an alien of extraordinary ability.”
Perhaps unsurprisingly, bow-tied pundit Tucker Carlson did not share the governor's angst. In an interview with Michael Feldenkrais, the callipygian Ms. Dorismar's attorney, he took a bold and commendably egalitarian stand on behalf of dumpy-butt girls:
CARLSON: So that—you think that that‘s a valid criterion for entry into the country, having an extraordinary body, having a cute butt. That‘s sort of—you know, all the girls with the dumpy butts don‘t get in. But the ones with the cute ones do.

FELDENKRAIS: In reality it‘s not a matter of her having a cute butt and somebody having a bad butt. But the reality is there is a classification for people who have risen to the level where she has in the scenario of...

CARLSON: Risen to the level. She stars in “Latinas gone Crazy.” Now, no offense. I haven‘t actually seen the video. But I mean, it‘s not like—I mean, she‘s not Barbra Streisand . . . . [!!!! -- S.] Do you think—is there a porn shortage in this country, do you think? I mean, is there a lack of homegrown porn actresses? Is this a crisis?

FELDENKRAIS: I do not believe it‘s a crisis. There‘s definitely a lot of talent out there. And but that doesn‘t stop us from...

CARLSON: Why should we flood the market with cheap foreign imports, thereby forcing our own porn actresses out of work and oppressing their wages?
Oh, Mr. C., be-have. If we didn't already know you were a firm believer in protectionism, we'd think you were trying to wangle an invitation to the next Vivid party.

(Thanks to Zemblan patriot J.M. for the link.)

PHOTO [right]: Dona Kercher, aka Dorismar, putting the "aes" in "aesthete."

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