Monday, January 23, 2006

How to Get Out of Iraq 

Based on the information below, which comes to us via Zemblan patriots M.U., B.K. and J.M., there are two viable options now under consideration: 1) Annexation. Go from 50 states to 60 states (plus three territories). 2) Occupation. Announce that Ottawa has WMD's, a renascent nuclear program and freshly-discovered ties to Al Qaeda, and charge across that long, unguarded border:
There’s an oil boom going on right now. Not in Saudi Arabia or Kuwait or any of those places, but 600 miles north of Montana.

In Alberta, Canada, in a town called Fort McMurray where, this time of year, the temperature sometimes zooms up to zero.

The oilmen up there aren’t digging holes in the sand and hoping for a spout. They’re digging up dirt — dirt that is saturated with oil. They’re called oil sands, and if you’ve never heard of them then you’re in for a big surprise because the reserves are so vast in the province of Alberta that they will help solve America’s energy needs for the next century . . . .

There are 175 billion barrels of proven oil reserves here. That’s second to Saudi Arabia’s 260 billion but it’s only what companies can get with today’s technology. The estimate of how many more barrels of oil are buried deeper underground is staggering.

"We know there’s much, much more there. The total estimates could be two trillion or even higher," says Clive Mather, Shell's Canada chief. "This is a very, very big resource."

Very big? That’s eight times the amount of reserves in Saudi Arabia. The oil sands are buried under forests in Alberta that are the size of Florida. The oil here doesn’t come gushing out of the sand the way it does in the Middle East. The oil is in the sand. It has to be dug up and processed.
It belatedly occurs to us that there is an obvious third option: install a Bush stooge as PM. But Canadian voters would never go for that . . . would they?

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