Thursday, February 16, 2006

DHS, FEMA to Be Renamed 

The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) will retain its familiar initials, but will henceforth be officially known as the Department of Heads in the Sand. Meanwhile, FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) will split in two; the new division, dealing exclusively with blue states such as New York and California, will go by the acronym FETID (Fuck 'Em, They're Insignificant Democrats):
Under fire for its botched handling of Hurricane Katrina, the Department of Homeland Security said Wednesday that there is no specific federal strategy for responding to a catastrophic earthquake in California, although it will review the state's own plan.

In a letter released Wednesday to Sen. Barbara Boxer, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said acting FEMA Director David Paulison will conduct the assessment, expected to be finished by mid-April.

"I take very seriously the need for catastrophic planning in California, as well as throughout the nation," Chertoff wrote.
But not seriously enough to develop anything on the order of, say, a plan.
The letter came in response to post-Katrina criticism from Boxer that FEMA is unprepared for a California disaster, despite having once identified a San Francisco quake as one of the most likely catastrophes facing the country.

"There is nothing in this letter that gives Senator Boxer any comfort that a catastrophic earthquake in California would be handled any better than Katrina," Boxer spokeswoman Natalie Ravitz said. "We just hope and pray that the earthquakes will wait until DHS finishes all their bureaucracy."
Now, rubes, please -- don't embarrass yourself by pretending you expected this crowd to protect your silly ass when catastrophe strikes. They're Republicans. They don't believe in the government helping people. They don't believe in government at all. They're just here to take your money.

Welcome to the midway.

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