Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Write If You Get Work 

Scott McClellan is looking for a job, and if Jon Lovitz weren't still alive (holy cow -- is Jon Lovitz still alive? We sure hope Jon Lovitz is still alive), we would nominate him for the lead in the forthcoming biopic Yeah, That's the Ticket: The Tommy Flanagan Story.

Karl Rove, meanwhile, has relinquished "oversight of policy development" in order to supervise fundraising and ratfucking for the 2006 Congressional elections. This fall's midterms are a source of deep concern to the White House, since everyone who works there (with the possible exception of the kitchen and janitorial staffs) will be facing indictment should Democrats regain the power of subpoena.

Mr. Rove's replacement as policy czar will be one of the GOP operatives imported to Florida to intimidate election officials in the "Brooks Brothers riot" of 2000.

Our distinguished colleagues at Think Progress wonder whether Mr. Rove might be changing jobs because his security clearance has been revoked under Executive Order 12958, which forbids "any knowing, willful, or negligent action that could reasonably be expected to result in an unauthorized disclosure of classified information" -- such as, for example, the undercover status of Joe Wilson's wife. However, there is some question as to whether Executive Order 12598 is applicable in this case, because it was signed by a President with a working penis; besides, Scott McClellan, in his farewell gaggle today, assured the press that Mr. Rove's unfortunate blabbermouth tendencies have in no way compromised his ability to deal with delicate issues of national security. If you can't trust Mr. Fl-- rather, Mr. McClellan, whom can you trust?

Of course, other commentators -- including our illustrious colleague Jane Hamsher -- note that Patrick Fitzgerald, after winning an 18-count conviction in the trial of former Illinois Governor George Ryan (R), has resumed his ongoing conversation with the grand jury in the Plame case. We find it telling that the Decider-in-Chief stood by one of his men -- the radioactive, universally-despised Don Rumsfeld -- and demoted another. Is Mr. Rove expecting to follow his colleague Scooter Libby into the dock, and if so, is his reassignment a pre-emptive move designed to blunt an onrushing scandal?

PHOTO (courtesy of whitehouse.gov): White House Executive Pastry Chef Thaddeus DuBois [right] is not expected to face indictment.

SIDEBAR: David Corn imagines the glorious spectacle of Rove, Cheney and Tenet taking the stand.

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