Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Damned Liar 

What ho! In a story about the interesting numbers stored in the memory of the late Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's cell phone (the speed-dial list included numerous senior Iraqi ministry officials and members of Parliament, but surprisingly, no Dana Priest; no John Murtha; no Star Jones), Mr. al-Zarqawi's #1 widow made the following scurrilous allegation:
Meanwhile, al-Zarqawi's wife told an Italian newspaper that al Qaeda leaders sold him out to the United States in exchange for a promise to let up in the search for Osama bin Laden.

The woman, identified by La Repubblica as al-Zarqawi's first wife, said al Qaeda's top leadership reached a deal with U.S. intelligence because al Zarqawi had become too powerful.

She claimed Sunni tribes and Jordanian secret services mediated the deal.

"My husband has been sold to the Americans," the woman said in an interview published Sunday. "He had become too powerful, too troublesome."
Little Miss "Um Mohammed," as she styles herself, happens to be lying through her teeth. How do we know? Because sometimes when we're on the Throne of Zembla (so-called), we take the occasional gander at an obscure small-town rag known as the New York Times:
The Central Intelligence Agency has closed a unit that for a decade had the mission of hunting Osama bin Laden and his top lieutenants, intelligence officials confirmed Monday.

The unit, known as Alec Station, was disbanded late last year and its analysts reassigned within the C.I.A. Counterterrorist Center, the officials said.

The decision is a milestone for the agency, which formed the unit before Osama bin Laden became a household name and bolstered its ranks after the Sept. 11 attacks, when President Bush pledged to bring Mr. bin Laden to justice "dead or alive."

The realignment reflects a view that Al Qaeda is no longer as hierarchical as it once was, intelligence officials said, and a growing concern about Qaeda-inspired groups that have begun carrying out attacks independent of Mr. bin Laden and his top deputy, Ayman al-Zawahiri . . . .

Michael Scheuer, a former senior C.I.A. official who was the first head of the unit, said the move reflected a view within the agency that Mr. bin Laden was no longer the threat he once was.

Mr. Scheuer said that view was mistaken.

"This will clearly denigrate our operations against Al Qaeda," he said. "These days at the agency, bin Laden and Al Qaeda appear to be treated merely as first among equals."
Disbanded late last year! So the CIA and the Pentagon would have had absolutely no leverage in their dealings with the al Qaeda brass who purportedly gave up al-Zarqawi.

Mrs. Z.? Consider yourself fisked!

UPDATE: It has come to our attention that we may owe the grieving widow an apology. True, the CIA cut bait on bin Laden over six months ago, but our implacable terrorist foes would have had no way of knowing that the manhunt was over until the traitors at the NYT published the above story on Monday. It is therefore entirely possible that U.S. negotiators faked out al Qaeda by offering not to do something they weren't doing to begin with ("Hey! Give us al-Zarqawi and we'll stop chasing bin Laden!") -- much as we promised our then-wife-to-be that if she accepted our hand in marriage, we would stop dating Elizabeth Hurley.

Worse yet, if not for the NYT's knavish exposé, the exact same bluff might have been used to roll up dozens, perhaps even hundreds, of deputies, lieutenants, number twos, number threes, etc., before our implacable terrorist foes caught on. Plainly, NYT reporter Dana Priest should be strangled with her own brassiere, which should then be used to strangle NYT reporter Mark Mazzetti and editor Bill Keller, among others.

UPDATE II: It has come to our attention that we may owe Dana Priest, Mark Mazzetti, Bill Keller and the traitors at the New York Times an apology, since the story was actually broken by other traitors at National Public Radio, after which CIA officials voluntarily confirmed that Alec Station had been shut down. It is now our considered opinion that the staff of NPR should be summarily strangled with Ms. Priest's brassiere, and the CIA blabbermouths who validated the small, scrappy network's perfidious revelations should, at the very least, be outed by the office of the Vice President.

UPDATE III: It has come to our attention that we may owe the traitors of National Public Radio an apology, since it is widely known that no one, including terrorists, ever listens to National Public Radio, and its employees are therefore free to say whatever the like without any possibility of damage to our national security. This means, of course, that the NYT and the CIA blabbermouths are back on the hook.

UPDATE IV: It has come to our attention that we may owe the CIA blabbermouths an apology, since they may be (and not for the first time!) relying upon the traitors at the NYT to disseminate carefully-crafted disinformation. In other words, it's entirely possible that the stealthy covert operatives of Alec Station are still on the job! -- just waiting for Osama bin Laden, who, as a faithful reader of the traitors at the NYT, probably imagines he's gotten away scot free, to grow complacent and sloppy! -- at which point they'll pounce on their hapless prey, in the manner of lithe jungle cats!

UPDATE V: It has come to our attention that we should not have aired the above speculations in a public forum where our implacable terrorist foes might read them. We regret the error.

We said we regret the error. Back off, damn you.

Drop the brassiere . . . .

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