Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Slaughterhouse SWEEP! 

Welcome back to Slaughterhouse Sweep! Our defending champion Ehud Olmert has advanced to the lightning round, in which he'll have exactly seven days to fly over Lebanon, destroying as much infrastructure and killing as many civilians as he can. Yes, that's right . . . a week-long killing spree . . . WITH COMPLETE IMPUNITY!! LET'S HEAR IT!!

How about it, Ehud? Are you feeling a little nervous?

Well, that's what we like to hear. Now you know that, as a special bonus, we've stashed thousands of Canadian citizens just over the Lebanese border, and if you can bag ten of them -- just ten!! -- we'll give you this fabulous grand prize: a fleet of fully-loaded AH64 Apache attack helicopters, and when we say loaded we mean loaded, from the good folks at GE. GE! They bring good things to life.

Well, we see the lovely and charming Tony is ready to start the countdown. We know your fans will be cheering you on for the next week -- RIGHT, FANS?? Yeah! Gotta like that -- so strap on your Uzi and it's ready . . . steady . . . GO:
The US is giving Israel a window of a week to inflict maximum damage on Hizbullah before weighing in behind international calls for a ceasefire in Lebanon, according to British, European and Israeli sources.

The Bush administration, backed by Britain, has blocked efforts for an immediate halt to the fighting initiated at the UN security council, the G8 summit in St Petersburg and the European foreign ministers' meeting in Brussels.

"It's clear the Americans have given the Israelis the green light. They [the Israeli attacks] will be allowed to go on longer, perhaps for another week," a senior European official said yesterday. Diplomatic sources said there was a clear time limit, partly dictated by fears that a prolonged conflict could spin out of control.

US strategy in allowing Israel this freedom for a limited period has several objectives, one of which is delivering a slap to Iran and Syria, who Washington claims are directing Hizbullah and Hamas militants from behind the scenes . . . .

Washington's hands-off approach was underlined yesterday when it was confirmed that Condoleezza Rice, the US secretary of state, is delaying a visit to the region until she has met a special UN team. She is expected in the region on Friday, according to Dan Gillerman, Israel's ambassador to the UN.

The US is publicly denying any role in setting a timeframe for Israeli strikes. When asked whether the US was holding back diplomatically, Tony Snow, the White House's press spokesman, said yesterday: "No, no; the insinuation there is that there is active military planning, collaboration or collusion, between the United States and Israel - and there isn't ... the US has been in the lead of the diplomatic efforts, issuing repeated calls for restrain,t but at the same time putting together an international consensus. You've got to remember who was responsible for this: Hizbullah ... It would be misleading to say the United States hasn't been engaged. We've been deeply engaged."
UPDATE: Israel: Can we have two weeks?

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