Sunday, August 13, 2006

Lubes on a Plane 

Jeez. From all the fuss over the latest transatlantic airline-terror plot, you'd think people had never heard of Operation Bojinka. From the AP wire, courtesy of Zemblan patriot J.D.:
While the British terror suspects were hatching their plot, the Bush administration was quietly seeking permission to divert $6 million that was supposed to be spent this year developing new homeland explosives detection technology . . . .

The department failed to spend $200 million in research and development money from past years, forcing lawmakers to rescind the money this summer.

The administration also was slow to start testing a new liquid explosives detector that the Japanese government provided to the United States earlier this year.
Since the London plot was foiled, we have since read any number of news stories and blog entries discussing the obvious implications for Mr. Lieberman's candidacy, for Mr. Bush's illegal domestic-surveillance programs, and for the GOP's ongoing efforts to maintain power by politicizing terror, and terrorizing the electorate. We have seen reports that the U.S. pressured British officials to arrest suspects sooner rather than later, possibly compromising their investigation. But we have seen nary a word about what may well be the most significant aspect of the heightened security measures that are sure to follow in the wake of this latest near-tragedy: inconvenience to porn stars. From Adult Video News, courtesy of our beloved colleague Avedon Carol, who we are sure was only there to scope out the bras:
Anyway, porn stars, what that means is, if you're late for a dance gig or a date, forget about moisturizing or putting on makeup while in flight, brushing your teeth, using mouthwash, putting in your contacts or applying deodorant, suntan lotion or "instant tanning" products, as the new rules say, "NO LIQUIDS OR GELS OF ANY KIND WILL BE PERMITTED IN CARRY-ON BAGGAGE." And hand sanitizer, as Monty Python's John Cleese would say, is RIGHT OUT!

Apparently, according to WISHTV.com ("awarded Indiana's Best Television Website"), there's also some danger in women (or men) carrying those tiny containers of "eyeliner or lip gloss" onto airplanes, while at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, passengers must pour out cologne and perfume before boarding (which should leave the lounge areas smelling pretty good, if somewhat strange).

But mother's milk, baby formula and juice for kids are okay, as long as the parent or guardian has tasted it(!) and is carrying it – you just can't trust kids these days; that Game Boy just might be a detonator for that Juicy Juice box – and liquid prescription meds are vouched-safe as well, except possibly nitroglycerine for certain heart conditions . . . .

[T]he Brits are no longer allowing ANY carry-on baggage: "Passengers may take through the airport security search point, in a single (ideally transparent) plastic carrier bag, only the following items. Nothing may be carried in pockets."

Those items include "pocket-size" wallets and purses, but no handbags; passports and tickets, but no books, newspapers or other reading material (gee, hope the in-flight movie isn't Walt Disney's The Shaggy Dog); glasses and sunglasses (without cases); tissues (unboxed) and/or handkerchiefs; keys, but no electronic car-door openers, etc.; contact lens holders, but no wetting solution; tampons and sanitary napkins (unboxed); and just enough baby formula and prescriptions meds "sufficient and essential for the flight" . . . .

So the only question left to ask is, can the Bush and Blair administrations hype this crisis all the way through to the November elections?

Only time – and an incredibly gullible American public – will tell.
We had not been familiar with Adult Video News until Ms. Carol brought it to our attention. If, however, the penetrating political analysis reproduced above is at all typical of the site, we will henceforth make an effort to visit it on a daily basis. Perhaps a twice-daily basis.

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