Thursday, January 25, 2007

Push Buddha Back to 5:30. See If We Can Move the Prophet Mahomet to Monday 

There has been no dearth of snark about the following blockbuster revelation from the Scooter Libby trial:
CIA official Craig Schmall testified in Libby's perjury trial yesterday that notes he took from a June 14 intelligence briefing with Dick Cheney's then chief of staff included this sentence: "Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz at his office."

"Apparently Tom Cruise was there to talk with Mr. Libby about how Germany treats Scientologists," Schmall told the jury, reports our colleague Amy Goldstein. Libby "was a little excited about it," he said. "I was a little excited about it."
Skeptics and secularists are welcome to scoff, but we must ask our devoted subjects to put themselves in Mr. Libby's Manolo Blahniks before passing judgment. What right-thinking person among us would turn down the chance to take a meeting with Jesus Christ Almighty??
Tom Cruise is the new “Christ” of Scientology, according to leaders of the cult-like religion. The Mission: Impossible star has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world.

And leader David Miscavige believes that in future, Cruise, 44, will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion . . . .

“Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”
Is it mere coincidence that the "future generations" trope has been adopted by Messrs. Cheney and Bush, who have plainly given up hope that their conduct of the war in Iraq will ever be appreciated by anyone now living? We think not. But enough about Jesus: we would gladly have cleared our schedule if only for a chance to meet the future messiah's curvaceous then-girlfriend, whose sultry, Oscar-nominated performance in the current Volver had us loudly and repeatedly quoting the poetic sentiments of the bard of Newark, Jerry Lewis: "Maa-HOYYYYYYYY!!!"

There is for damn sure a divinity that shaped that end.

UPDATE: No confimation as of yet, but reliable sources tell us that the news of Cruise's incipient godhead has come as a crushing blow to John "the Baptist" Travolta.

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