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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Because No Woman Is Retroactively Immune to His Charms 

Courtesy of Zemblan patriot M.S.: We were not surprised to learn, when the warrantless wiretapping story came out, that President Bush was in bed with the telecom lobby. But sweet baby Jesus! -- it sounds like John McCain is literally in bed with the telecom lobby!

PHOTOS: Telecommunications lobbyist Vicki Iseman (left); presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain (right).

UPDATE: We are distressed to report that several of our regular correspondents have taken us to task for what they perceive to be the "undue sanctimony" of the above post. Kindly allow us to state, unequivocally and for the record, that if a young and toothsome lobbyist such as Ms. Iseman wished to "nuzzle the candidate's withered hairy balls" (to quote Zemblan patriot J.O.'s memorable phrase), or to "shove a greased finger up the old boy's asshole, if it helps to bring him off a little quicker" (Zemblan patriot B.J.), we would have absolutely no objection! -- so long as the grotesque, degrading, and unhygienic activities in question helped to guarantee our patriotic telecom companies the freedom they need to spy on any and all Americans at will without fear of legal reprisal, thereby ensuring a speedy, decisive victory in the war on terror. If Ms. Iseman did indulge in such unsavory practices, we know that she was thinking not of England, but of America; and we can only hope that the belated revelation of her mad bedroom skillz will not arouse the media to a frenzy of sniggering prurience, as in the unfortunate case of Mr. Clinton and Ms. Lewinsky. There is, after all, a principle here!

UPDATE II: As of midnight tonight, there is still no word as to when Dr. James Dobson plans to offer a formal endorsement of McCain's candidacy. We are reliably told, however, that Ann Coulter has been asking around town for the Senator's home phone number, no doubt to discuss the possibility of an ideological rapprochement.

UPDATE III: Our condolences to poor Mitt Romney, who is undoubtedly wishing this story had broken thirty million dollars ago.

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