Monday, March 17, 2008

Does Bear Stearns Have Any Bling? 

From our distinguished colleague Athenae of First Draft comes the Righteous Rant of the Week (and yes, we know it's early in the week. We don't need to see the other entries. The contest is over. Sue us):
Does Bear Stearns have a big screen TV?

What about bling? Any bling they could sell?

Couldn't Bear Stearns just get a job, already? I mean, I know of six or seven places that are hiring. I don't know what they pay, but surely it would be enough to keep them in sneakers and Xbox games . . . .

Let me just ask. I'm sure somebody out there has the answer. After all, they had reasons why Katrina victims deserved to drown and die, be forced from their homes and screwed by their insurance companies and disregarded by their country. They had reasons why uninsured children didn't deserve health care, why those who died from a lack of medical attention only got what they had coming. They had reasons why the people who came to emergency rooms were just looking for drugs, they had reasons why thieves got rich and saints got shot, they had all kinds of explanations for everything that looked to everybody else like a fucking problem we needed somebody to solve. I'm sure the answers here are just as simple, just as easy.

But I do think we should ask. And you know, I think we should ask in the same condescending, fuck-all-you-peasants know-it-all bullshit fuck-ass tone that we use when requesting that the rest of the nation's needy prove their legitimacy to us. I think we should ask with the same nasty assumptions at the back of our throats, the same willingness to believe that somebody else is running a scam on us to get a fat government check, the same nasty, mean, small little pinchingness we use toward individual human beings. I think we should ask those questions.
Our first runner-up, which will be elevated to Righteous Rant of the Week should Athenae's rant be unable, for any reason, to fulfill its duties and obligations, comes from our occult colleague IOZ of Who Is IOZ?
Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "Why is this IOZ fellow, who says he's all for the free movement of labor and capital across borders and over oceans and to distant stars and foreward and backward in time, why is this guy so down and dismissive of capitalism?" Well, this is why: because capitalism is a scam, a condfidence game, fooling you easy marks into supposing that you live in something other than a confiscatory command economy. And as surely as the symbolic vestiges of the old, aristocratic republic have proven more effective means of popular control than any outright tyranny ever has--a gaudy quadrennial spectacle more effective at keeping the discontented off the streets than all the tanks in Tiananmen--so to does ritual genuflection at The Wisdom of Markets camouflage the plain fact that the invisible hand is not actually invisible if you just open your eyes . . . .

Well, what drove [the housing market] up was the easy-credit ponzi scheme, and with the phony, assetized debts of all those paper-and-pony mortgages, the same folks doing the dodgy lending reaped a second windfall in financing huge institutional sales of equally phony investments, and they all bought each other's crap and made a ton of money and now, taxpayers, you poor suckers, you're going to bail them out. But don't worry, because Barack Obama is going to fix Social Security.
(Links courtesy of -- ahhr, fuck it, we're tired of typing their damned names.)

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