Thursday, March 13, 2008

It's Categorized as "Humor." Which We Find Infuriating! 

Amateur dudgeonologists! How much do you really know about Sen. Buster Bloodvessel (right), the GOP presidential nominee and national poster boy for inchoate rage? If you're seeking a higher education in ire and vexation, take Paul Slansky's McCain quiz from the current issue of The New Yorker. You too can be a scholar of choler!
1. What did Richard Kimball, John McCain’s opponent in his 1986 Senate race, do during a debate that got McCain so upset that, according to his aide Jay Smith, he "wanted to kill" Kimball?

(a) He pointed out that McCain had referred to the retirement community Leisure World as "Seizure World."

(b) He revealed that McCain was standing on a riser behind his podium.

(c) He said, "I’m not the one who left his disabled first wife so he could marry a rich young beer heiress."
We don't mean to sound, well, ageist, but we are not altogether convinced that the strains of the Presidency would be beneficial to Mr. McCain's well-being. In January of 2009 he will be 72, or two years and five months older than our most geriatric president, Ronald Reagan, at the time of his first inauguration. He is, in addition, a survivor of stage IIa melanoma. And just look at the man (left)! He's plainly ready to pop. If he does make it to the Oval Office, we give him exactly the same chances as a pimple on Prom Night.

Keep an eye on the Republican veep nominee, who, if elected, is likely to inherit an even worse mess than the one McCain inherits from Bush. Mitt Romney, anyone? Mike Huckabee? . . . Condi Rice???

N.B.: We always thought Richard Kimball was the doctor who escaped police custody in a train wreck and set out to find the one-armed man who had murdered his wife, but that chap, we are reliably told by the imperial reseacher, was in fact Richard Kimble. Of course, it would not surprise us a bit to learn that McCain wanted to kill Kimble as well. Just look at the man!

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