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Monday, March 10, 2008

Ode on a $5,500 Blow Job 

The fellatrix was quite unprepared, she admits,
For the grilling she got from Blitzer.
Most gentlemen ask if she swallows or spits;
He asked if she swallows Spitzer.

UPDATE: Who was the original target of the investigation -- the hookers, or the Gov?

SMART SHOPPERS' ALERT: Our contact at the Emperor's Club, "Thorstein B. Veblen" (not his real name), tells us that there is very little difference between the $5,500 "Icon" blow job and the $3,000 "Seven-Diamond" blow job. "The Icon's for out-of-towners," he says, "guys on expense accounts who want to brag to the boys back home. Regulars know better." There is, however, a noticeable dropoff in quality between the Seven-Diamond and the Three-Diamond. "For a grand? Truthfully, you could slip that money to your wife, and ten minutes later you'd both be just as happy."

With a rating of 8.5 pearls out of ten, the $3,000 "Seven-Diamond" blow job wins our King of Zembla Best Value Award.

UPDATE II: Our BARBARian colleague Scaramouche informs us that radio personality Dr. Laura Schlessinger has argued, in a novel inversion of conventional wisdom, that blame for the scandal properly lies with Mrs. Eliot Spitzer and her One-Diamond conjugal skills. We are not altogether sold on Dr. Schlessinger's interpretation of events, but we salute her ongoing efforts to encourage greater openness between the sexes.

UPDATE III: Our deepest apologies to Zemblan patriots who clicked on the second hyperlink in Update II above and were shocked by what they found there. The offending link, which apparently originated in a comment thread at the Scaramouche blog, found its way onto our site through a faulty cut-and-paste operation by the Webmaster of Zembla, who is being soundly flogged as we write this. Again, as a matter of policy, we do not link to material that might be considered "seamy" or "gamy," and we deeply regret the error. The correct link is here.

UPDATE IV: Blogging may be slow today, because the Assistant Webmaster is now being soundly flogged as well, which means we have to do every. God. Damned. Thing. Ourselves.

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