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Thursday, April 24, 2008

And This Unwieldy Sceptre from Our Hand 

We thought we had stopped these devils at the Zemblan border, but despite our best efforts it seems a few of them managed to slip through:
Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure . . . .

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," [police chief Jean-Dieudonne] Oleko said.

"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.
Oh, they know, m'sieu. Believe us. They know.

(Link via our occasionally indecorous colleague Susie Madrak of Suburban Raunch Queen, whose site we usually visit for the political commentary. No, really.)

SIDEBAR (courtesy of our equally indecorous colleague Badtux the Snarky Penguin): Even if they did steal your penis, socks-in-the-basket is not the answer:
A Hamilton man Tasered by police is in hospital after the stun gun ignited a "flammable object" in his pants, burning him . . . .

"Three officers went there in response to a disturbance call," said SIU spokesman Frank Phillips yesterday. "During the interaction, an officer discharged his Taser. A flammable object the man had in the waistband of his pants ignited."

The man, 31, was burned on his hand and thigh. He was taken to Hamilton General Hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.

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