Saturday, October 28, 2006

Why the Democrats Will Have Won in November, If the Democrats Do in Fact Win in November 

Because of Iraq? Nope. Because of institutionalized corruption? Nunh-uh. Because of GOP support for torture, and contempt for the Constitution? As if, you ridiculous policy wonk. Because of virtual page-fucking? Nosireebob.

As each and every credible mainstream pundit will scramble to tell you should that gruesome scenario eventuate, it'll be because Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez secretly controls every electronic voting machine in the United States of America.

Hugo! Baby! Call a press conference and confess muy pronto, so that the Gooper legions will have plenty of time to realize that a vote cast on a Diebold, or ES&S, or Sequoia machine is in fact a vote cast for a radical, income-redistributing, centralized-government-supporting, free-press-manipulating, oil-hoarding Venezuelan-style Democrat!

Do it now, and we'll slip you a crisp new twenty.

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